Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Record Covers of Distinction (or is that Extiction?)

An Addendum to the last post... not only was there a scarcity of cover art 
but there are or were so many other types of artlessness as well. 
 Here is an example of album cover awfulness that must be seen together to fully absorb.
I am assuming "Faith" is the one in white.
One just knows the fellow on the right gets his kicks from removing the wings of insects.
The other two gents might be mannequins.
But then again, mannequins are seldom in need of serious orthodontia.
No doubt this type of early American style furniture will once again be all the rage so check your local dumpster or thrift shop and stock up now! Don/t forget the fake little toy spinning wheel.
It's an important detail.
They are apparently stunned from having just heard their own album for the first time 
and the Holy Pizza  guy just arrived with their Cheeses Saves special!

But then again, they may have just seen the rare second combing of Bigfoot!

Their Bible seems to be open to Hardwood 4: 5, 'May your faith rest as on maple,
and your coverings depict the New World.'
At first I was inclined to give credit where it is due and salute this group's math skills however their other release reveals some math "Home Skoolin'" problems.

Click on the photo for a larger image!
Whoa...so it seems they added another manikin.
 They became a quartet, and they were doing so well with the maths on that last album.
 Yes, it seems the Faith Four have joined the ranks of Christian groups who can not count...
I am not disappointed!  
It seems they stumbled over a fifth of bourbon
 and figured it was 6 shots of one and something of the other
--and for this foursome that's math enough!
There are still the orthodontia issues,
 and the fellow on the right has graduated from pricking the wings off insects
 to dissecting neighborhood pets. 
The song "So it's Different Now" was obviously about Faith's sex change operation.
  You might say the Faith Four were "members only" now.
 I'm sorry, but such intrepid dorkdom simply was not ever taken seriously,
 not in any era or place in this universe.
 As for the songs, ""Do You Know + He Touched Me + That's Enough"...well I guess that was about the local parish priest.  "Stepping in the Light" was about stepping in something, but it wasn't light in truth.
The full title of the album was intended to be
 "Born to serve the Lord, on a stick, at the county fair, in hell." 
But alas, they didn't know anyone who could spell that many words for them.

Filed under Christian groups who can not count from hell
Click if you dare view a larger image!

Posted by Staff Musicologist
Dr. Wayne Kerr
(He wears those rubber gloves because his palms are hairy)

Monday, March 19, 2012

A Scarcity Of Album Cover Designs

By Dr. Wayne Kerr
Staff Musicologist
Greetings audiophiles! Today we are discussing the apparent shortage of album artwork that occurred in the Christian Music market .Though we here at the Without Shoes website are all for recycling and all things green (especially greenbacks) we are not particularly fond of recycling album art. Is there really any need or excuse for this? I mean let's say you are on such a low budget that you just can't afford a proper photographer or professional artist to render an original work to package your "artistry" in...I would imagine you, yourself or a friend might be able to come up with something reasonably appropriate. Imitation, as the most sincere form of flattery only goes so far. (The highest form of flattery of course is a plateau.)  

There is no greater loathe....

The Crusaders Quartet (with no photo of the group, we can't poke fun at their math skills as many of these outfits tend to call any number of people  quartets) sing just for you! That's right, if you buy this album you'll be the first person to hear them sing. (Apparently the recording engineer left the studio with the tape running and returned when their time was up to shut it off.  No one mastered the tape, I mean they couldn't afford the film to take a picture for the cover so they definitely couldn't afford a mastering house. The group itself did not have any audio equipment to play their album on so they have never heard it either. So yes, They sing JUST for you!

Not only couldn't these guys bother coming up with an original design for their album cover, but they couldn't bother checking the spelling of the word "Harmony". One wonders if there is only one song on this album or if they misspelled "songs" as well. If there is only one inspiring gospel song, do they sing it more than once?
If not what is on the rest of the album? Perhaps some inspiring grain alcohol abuse?

So, does that mean your dead?

Of course not everyone's idea of heaven is a field with a birch tree in it. 
Some people prefer a conifer.

Which organ does he favor?
You'd think someone would have picked a color for the font that was not in the background if they had some notion that someone, someday might attempt to actually try to read it...but you'd be wrong.

Experiencing a little Déjà vu?

What are the heavens selling?

Of course there are many who believe that there is no terra firma at all in heaven.
Rather, it is a place one eternally treads water while being pelted with sea gull excrement.
Giving credit where it is due, these folks in Nottingham are proud to distinguish themselves from the angry hordes of Christian groups who have demonstrated alternate views on how many people comprise a quartet.
Though I'm not so keen on getting rolled by anyone, ethereal or not.

The "Harmenaires" return to rip off another cheesy album cover!
Alas they still haven't learned to spell their name.

Some may feel faith is great, but lame recycled album covers are not so great.
Who is "thy" in this title?
God? God has faith? In himself?
Well if he-she- it... exists in some corporeal sense, (and being a supreme being I'd assume that there was at least as much self awareness we mere mortals possess) then no faith is particularly required.

Lori loves nature, despite what it did to her.
One is wont to wonder what the producers of these album covers think of the human race...from an outsider's point of view.

In parting,
 let it be said that no one has ever gone broke
 underestimating the capacity of human consumption of  worthlessness.
Yet in the arts, one might think creativity would be deemed of some value...but you'd be wrong.